Disclaimer : I'm a huge KPop fan and you will come across names and photographs of KPop idols in most of my stories (The photographs and pics are downloaded from the internet and I do not have ANY intellectual property right over them). They are my muse and inspiration in so many ways. The incidents and characters are fictional and have no resemblance to any K pop idol in any manner.
I was always like this.....
Balanced....
Ambivalent...
Not too excited
Or happy or sad
Not even mad....
Never over the top crazy
Not one to lose it all
In a moment of frenzy...
I was the same.
Everyday
Every moment
No matter what.
Nothing fazed me
Or shocked
Or surprised me.
Sometimes I wondered
If it was a good thing
Or bad.....
To feel
'No happy, no sad, no mad!'
Maybe, maybe not...
Who knows...
I sure don't...
Because this is the
ME
I have always known....
But lately its been different...
I'm not the same....
I feel like someone else
With the same face
and name.....
The see saw of emotions
Is rocking
There's a feeling
There's emptiness
Void, vacuum....
Where my happy place was.
I try to hold on
But it slips away
Like sand through my fingers...
I try too hard
To ignore that growing onyx grip of nothingness
To escape the never-ending
Black tunnel
Of despair and desolation.
I have been running all this time
trying to reach the end
Trying to escape
trying to hold on
To happiness and hope...
I've been groping
In the dark
Looking for my lost smile
The missing twinkle
in my eyes
The non existent bounce
in my step
The long lost lilting voice....
How long has it been
Since
I heard my own voice?
I saw my smile?
I felt my heart beat ?
I felt happy?
I feel numb.
I feel empty.
I feel nothing....
Just overwhelming sadness....
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