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MELANCHOLY

Disclaimer : I'm a huge KPop fan and you will come across names and photographs of KPop idols in most of my stories (The photographs and pics are downloaded from the internet and I do not have ANY intellectual property right over them). They are my muse and inspiration in so many ways. The incidents and characters are fictional and have no resemblance to any K pop idol in any manner.



I was always like this.....


Balanced....

Ambivalent...

Not too excited

Or happy or sad

Not even mad....


Never over the top crazy

Not one to lose it all

In a moment of frenzy...


I was the same.

Everyday

Every moment

No matter what.

Nothing fazed me

Or shocked

Or surprised me.


Sometimes I wondered

If it was a good thing

Or bad.....

To feel

'No happy, no sad, no mad!'


Maybe, maybe not...

Who knows...

I sure don't...

Because this is the

ME

I have always known....


But lately its been different...


I'm not the same....

I feel like someone else

With the same face

and name.....


The see saw of emotions

Is rocking


There's a feeling

There's emptiness

Void, vacuum....

Where my happy place was.

I try to hold on

But it slips away

Like sand through my fingers...


I try too hard

To ignore that growing onyx grip of nothingness

To escape the never-ending

Black tunnel

Of despair and desolation.


I have been running all this time

trying to reach the end

Trying to escape

trying to hold on

To happiness and hope...


I've been groping

In the dark

Looking for my lost smile

The missing twinkle

in my eyes

The non existent bounce

in my step

The long lost lilting voice....


How long has it been

Since

I heard my own voice?

I saw my smile?

I felt my heart beat ?

I felt happy?


I feel numb.

I feel empty.

I feel nothing....

Just overwhelming sadness....



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