I hope Charles Dickens won't mind my borrowing the title of his famous novel.
My write up, however, is similar to his brooding story. It's about the great expectations people have from each other. To be more specific, expectations that parents/teachers have from children.
I generally avoid writing about serious issues and keep my articles light and humorous, stressing more on making the reader smile and enjoy reading them. I prefer to spread positivity and cheer rather than highlight negativity in any form!
But sometimes, certain issues touch me way too deep and then I have to write about it.
I consider myself very lucky that I was good at studies and always got good grades. Same goes for my sisters. So, we didn't really go through the 'comparison' with other people's kids, like most kids do.
Each child has his/ her unique abilities. One might be a competent sportsperson and another a computer wizard. One might be a talented musician or singer or dancer or painter or actor, while the other might write very well. Someone maybe a topper of his class but not talented in anything else. Some children may have more than one of these talents , some may have just one.
Psychologists say that each child is different, hence the same teaching methods may not apply to the entire class. A teacher knows that certain kids might need more time and attention than others.
We as parents,are well aware of our child's interest and aptitude. Most of us, in an attempt to 'maximise their potential' end up pressurising the child. We fill his/her days with various classes, one after the other- swimming, dancing, painting, tuitions etc. While learning things, other than just studying, is important, leaving them with time for themselves is equally important.
As parents, we do have the difficult and unenviable task of bringing up our kids in a holistic manner. So, we send the children to the best school possible and enroll them for hobby classes. We try to keep the child busy and away from screens and gadgets,so that the addiction doesn't happen. We keep a track of how he/she is doing at academics and other activities. We try our best.
But, we forget certain very important things :-
1. Nothing is more important than the child. Not grades, not talent- Nothing!
2. Knowledge and learning are more important than topping the class.
3. Acceptance and unconditional love can save the child from the pressure of expectations.
4. Failure and mistakes are a part of life.
You must have guessed where this is going. Yes, I am talking about the increasing number of children who commit suicide for being unable to withstand the pressure to perform better in studies .
We have a lot of movies highlighting the issue but my favourite is 3 Idiots. The movie tackled some very serious issues in a lighthearted manner, without trivialising the issues - namely our education system where being a topper is more important than learning new things or having knowledge, parents having unrealistic expectations from their children, the youth crumbling under pressure.
Its very easy to compare our childhood to theirs and blaming them for being 'weak'. Our childhood was idyllic and full of leisure. We would study, play, watch tv and still have time to pursue hobbies. We could get into a college with decent marks. Getting jobs wasn't difficult as long as you met the criteria.
Today's world is highly competitive. Our children are living in a world where they are constantly compared, judged and criticised, even though they try their best. Let us stop with this negative approach, for the sake our children.
I have always believed that for every problem there is a solution and that there is always a better way of putting things across.
Every time the child falls / fails, tell him / her that it's a part of life and he / she can always get up and carry on; instead of making him/ her feel like a total failure !
Failed a test or an exam? Big deal, take it again! We need to change our mindset first.
Listen to the child's views, respect and encourage independent thinking and praise him/ her for the same. That child is an individual too, with hopes and dreams, ideas and thoughts, intelligence and talent.
Do not force your ambitions and ideas on the child. Instead, support his/her dreams and their sincere efforts to achieve their dreams/ goal.
Do not burden them with unrealistic expectations but encourage them to improve and be better versions of themselves. The competition is with one's own self, not with others.
Give the child the freedom to be what he/she wants to be, but hold his/her hand throughout.
The child needs to know you will love and support him / her, no matter what- that's all!
Love, support and guide him / her but give the freedom to make own decisions and let them learn to take responsibility for the same.
We are neither here to walk their path for them not to make them follow our footsteps; we are here to hold their hand and lift them up when they fall trying to find their own path and to hug them when they fail. They have their own destinies to fulfill....
Let them dream.
Let them fly.
Let them make mistakes as they try.
Let them walk .
Let them fall and stumble.
Watch them stand up and reach out for the stars in the sky!
True... Excellent 👍